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国外也有段子手:梅有快乐的圣诞节!

时间:2017-12-26 10:56点击:

心爱的小伙伴们,欢送来到每周的“国外也有段子手”。上周的国际赛场精彩看点层出不穷,西甲国家德比无疑吸引了全世界的眼光,巴萨终极在伯纳乌全取三分。英超赛场,曼城持续连胜领跑,阿森纳和利物浦的强强对话也充斥看点,而曼联却渡过了不太开心的一周。

心爱的小伙伴们,欢送来到每周的“国外也有段子手”。上周的国际赛场精彩看点层出不穷,西甲国家德比无疑吸引了全世界的眼光,巴萨终极在伯纳乌全取三分。英超赛场,曼城持续连胜领跑,阿森纳和利物浦的强强对话也充斥看点,而曼联却渡过了不太开心的一周。好了,话未几说,让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧!

梅西传射苏神破门,巴萨30皇马

Plate112 (维冈球迷):就连蜈蚣都想领有一支梅西这样的左脚…(Centipedes fantasize about having one left leg like his.)

Adar522(西班牙球迷): 巴萨是独一存在两座主场的球队,诺坎普用来踢比赛,而梅纳乌只是用来训练而已。(Bar?a is the only club to have two Stadiums, Camp Nou for matches & Mernabeu for training)

pathogeN7(皇马球迷):迎面走来的不是圣诞老人,而是撒旦白叟…(Here comes the Satan Claus, not Santa Claus…)

Raphael1987 (皇马球迷):梅有快活的圣诞节…(Messi Christmas…)

ReiS (本菲卡球迷):梅西在伯纳乌进球时拍的照片,还都挺上镜的…(Messi is very photogenic when it comes to take iconic pictures in the Bernabeu.)

BombCerise(哥伦比亚球迷):现在梅西打破的每一个纪录,都是在名堂秀穆勒到底是如许牛逼…(Every Messi’s record goes to show how good Muller was)

Ccdewa(曼联球迷):现在还有梅西没攻破的纪录吗?基本就停不下来!(Is there any record that Messi hasn't broke yet? he just won't stop)

Notamongus(曼联球迷):哼,鲁尼的曼联最多进球纪录他就打不破!(Hum…he will never break Rooney's goal record for us.)

Mpkotabelud(皇马球迷):今天是国家德比?不知道啊,我只看欧冠的,西甲联赛是啥?没据说过。(The clasico is today? I didn't realize. More focused on UCL right now...La Liga"? Never heard of it.)

GoldPisseR(皇马球迷):再这样下去,齐祖可就成齐卒了…(Zizou will be Zizout if it continues to go like this.)

(图):如果觉得生涯不易,就想想皇马球迷...

BeardLessYeti(巴萨球迷):固然皇马赢了五冠王我很愁闷,但只有赢下德比那就都无所谓了…(Although I’m jealous that you have 5 trophies this year but we win El Clasico anyway.)

Cranomort(未知主队球迷):梅西是不是专门留到国家德比,才进的那些破纪录的球的...(It's like Messi intentionally waits for the Clasico to break these records.)

nochill95(AC米兰球迷):C罗的防守水平还是很高的,今天辅助巴萨至少化解了3次险情!(Ronaldo’s cleared at least 3 attack for barca today. He’s so good on defence.)

Proven164(皇马球迷):看完比赛郁闷的不行,本想看看炮hub转换心境,成果上面居然有这场我皇被X的视频…(WTF…Just find this match on pornhub when trying to watch something to forget this sorrow.)

Sidhants(皇马球迷):多年当前,面对卡瓦哈尔飘动的手臂,苏亚雷斯便会想起当年对阵加纳的那个夜晚。(Maybe Carvajal has remind Suarez of that crazy night against Ghana.)

Supersaiyansub(未知主队球迷):其实卡瓦哈尔今天的义务,就是用所有手腕避免暴力鸟进球…(Carvajal: My mission is to stop paulinho score by any means)

JokicOrBust(未知主队球迷):那支中国球队真是亏逝世了…按现在这市场,暴力鸟怎么也得卖一个亿吧…(Honestly, that Chinese team got robbed. With today's insane transfer money, they should have asked $100 mill for Paulinho…)

pandu201(巴萨球迷):当时看到暴力鸟卖了4000万,感到真不愧是中国人,太会赚钱了!现在看来,可能我们这边的会谈代表是犹太人吧…(At that time I was thinking that Chinese were indeed commercial genius but now I realized we sent a Jew.)

AimNotFound(乌拉圭球迷):下次国家德比的时候,双方门勉强上苏牙和卡瓦哈尔吧…(next "El Clasico" Carvajal and Suarez as goalkeepers please.)

ShadySingh(未知主队球迷):有意思的是,卡瓦哈尔的手球并没禁止球进网,所以当裁判判罚红点套餐时,苏牙还和他实践了一番的…(There's a certain irony in Suarez complaining for that penalty as he saw Carvajal didn’t stop the goal anyway.)

(图):“男人头脑里想的全是性爱么?”“不,他们想的全是国家德比!”

flyingYOYO(加拿大球迷):这竞赛,最少能让巴萨球迷享受4个小时性热潮…(Bar?a fans will be perky for a lot longer than 4 hours orgasm after this match.)

RowInBiz(未知主队球迷):梅西的进球是如此性感,每次我都忍不住要打飞机的…(Actually I furiously masturbating everytime Messi scores sexy goals.)

(图):你是取舍看国度德比,仍是抉择跟Mia Kahlifa共度良宵呢?

(不要问小编Mia Kahlifa是谁,我真不晓得...)

Smugleaf(国米球迷):纳瓦斯就像只有一条腿的猫,却要设法堵住3个老鼠洞…(Keylor Navas has been like a one legged cat covering 3 mouse holes.)

(图):不要把亮点看错哦!

OrcaDevil(热刺球迷):就应该在吃鸡的时候起名叫本泽马,这样每次游戏就都能保持到最后不下场啦!(i should have pick Benzema as my nickname in PUBG, i would have been able to survive each game for sure :>)

CowsGiveUsMilk(皇马球迷):那你恐怕大多数时候都射不中了…(Miss most of your shots though.)

Hendayaz(未知主队球迷):现在,皇马间隔榜首的分差,已经比距离第16名还要多了…(Real Madrid are now closer to 16th place than they are to Barcelona.)

Lilige(皇马球迷):现在就是前锋和中场不给力啊!我推举两个强力人选:莫拉塔和J罗。实在边路也缺一个冲破点,巴黎的迪马利亚就不错,能够买来尝尝。(We are weak in front line and midfield, so we can buy Morata and Rodriguez. Di Maria is also a choice to attack from the wings.)

pdvu21(未知主队球迷):现在马德里得零下14度了吧,就问大伙冷不冷?(Are you guys cold? Because in Madrid it’s 14)

Raphael1987(皇马球迷):假如你拿球不知该怎么办,那就传给本泽马吧,这样球很快就会丢了!(If you dont know what to do, just cross the ball to Benzema, he will lose it.)

(图):女朋友不让看直播,你会怎么办?

Raphael1987(皇马球迷):我们能在中场克隆4个莫德里奇么…(Can we clone Modric and put 4 of them in middle?)

Royce(巴萨球迷):那我们就少克隆一些吧,只要2个梅西就行…(We don’t want that much, only 2 Messi pls.)

赢球停不下来,曼城40伯恩茅斯

KevinDeBrownie(曼城球迷):阿圭罗的传球,真是太卡哇伊啦!(That pass from Aguero was so Kawaii)

Dylan0812(北爱尔兰球迷):当初曼城已经和去年曼联一全部赛季的联赛获胜场次一样多了,而且还多进了6个球…(City already have the same amount of wins as United had for the whole last season and 6 more goals :)

Brititor(利物浦球迷):呵呵,曼城真是无聊透了,他们就只会进球罢了!(Hah what a boring team…They only keep scoring goals!)

Trocola(曼城球迷):我女朋友是曼联球迷,她许可我曼城输球就和我嘿咻,我似乎不机遇离别处男之身了…(My girlfriend is a untied fan and she promised to have some fun with me when city loses, maybe I would be a virgin forever…)

Conde(未知主队球迷):淡定兄弟,我女友人还说等阿森纳夺冠就嫁给我呢!我是不是被骗了?(Well…my girlfriend planned to marry me when Arsenal win the league, maybe I have been screwed…)

马塔进球,曼联22莱斯特城

MattSR30(曼联球迷):马塔的庆贺动作,看起来就像“洒哇滴咔”的泰国酒店女服务员一样…(That celebration of Mata though. Looked like a hostess at a Thai hotel.)

Tocitus(曼联球迷):林加德和马夏尔如斯吐饼,卢卡库也只能看着本人的助攻数据单独悲伤了…(Lukaku looking at his assist stat with sad eyes after those misses from Lingard and Martial.)

今夜不布防,阿森纳33利物浦

Microwave(阿森纳球迷):阿森纳球迷的日常之一,就是得习惯在高潮快感的下一秒就要抹泪之间无缝切换…(Daily part of being an Arsenal fan is getting used to wiping away your tears whilst you have a massive orgasm.)

Belts167(阿森纳球迷):利物浦这场比赛,真是踢得太阿森纳了。(Liverpool is too Arsenaled in this game!)

jamiew0w(利物浦球迷):你骂谁呢?我还说你们踢得太利物浦了呢!(Did I hear something you cunt? Arsenal is too Liverpool in this game!)


may1320(利物浦球迷):20当先的时候出去抽了根烟,等回来一看差点把我心脏病吓出来…(I went out to smoke a cig when it was 20. Came back in and nearly had a heart att超级大乐透多少点开奖ack.)

sirtejj(利物浦球迷):以前都是3球领先再扳平,但这次我们想换个活法…(Usually we're 3 goals up before we let in 3 ... just wanted to try something different today.)

Jonahmilo(剑桥联球迷):米尼奥莱这是怎么当上利物浦的首发门将的啊…(How is Mignolet still first choice at Liverpool? Fuck me.)

Psychaz(未知主队球迷):还不是靠卡里乌斯烘托…(because Karius is somehow worse.)

Jganzo13(拜仁球迷):我也不是贬斥利物浦,可就你这样的防线,咋看都是降级队的程度啊!(Don't want to get downvoted too hard, but honestly Liverpool's defense looked like a relegation defense.)

Speckleberry(利物浦球迷):别瞎几把扯淡,人家降级队才不会有这么烂的防线呢!(Sheer nonsense, relegation defense is far better than this shit.)

联赛杯被淘汰,曼联12布里斯托

Drunkwithanxiety(热刺球迷):这周所有强队都想法从英联杯出局,但只有曼联胜利了!(In a midweek where big clubs tried to get out of the League Cup, only Man United was successful.)

Jahoby(未知主队球迷):这场曼联真应当摆大巴的…(United should have parked the bus.)

布拉沃破功,曼城点球淘汰莱斯特城

Colonel(狼队球迷):想射穿布拉沃,那几乎比射穿套套还要难…(Bravo can protect better than a condom…)

Billofrights(多特球迷):亚亚图雷看起来就像是爸爸带着一群孩子在操场踢球一样…(Yaya looked like a Dad on the playground with his kids.)

好了,敬爱的小搭档们,本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了,下周的出色看点仍旧多多,让咱们下期不见不散!

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